October 17th, 2024
Mile Marker: Blue Line Alternate
Miles Hiked: 20
We slept in this morning as we spent the night on and off waking up. Around 8 I went downstairs to see about making coffee and Look Out asked me if we wanted to slack pack for the next 15 miles as he could drop our stuff off at Davila Ranch.
I ran it by Aster and Whatever and we decided that instead of slack packing, we would hitch. This way we could keep our mileage around 25 miles that was better suited for Whatever and his knee/toe. It’s a weird feeling hitching but we want to stay together so we make compromises.
Look Out was more than willing to take us and when we arrived at the ranch I was pleased to see Akela and Karma still there.
This ranch set up was amazing. They made little rooms, one for the kitchen, one for a shower, one for bathroom, and one for the washer/dryer/fridge. I was just shocked and almost wished we spent the night out here than the Toaster house.
Akela and karma were just getting ready to eat, the ranch also had free eggs, potatoes, onions for us to use! So I made some coffee and we sat down for a yummy breakfast.
Look Out decided to join us for a cup of coffee before heading out and we chatted about trail and caught up with Akela and Karma. After a while we talked about the idea of having alone time on trail. Look Out and Akela mentioned having that mental space to process whatever it is that you want to process, both of them really enjoying that alone time. We spend much of our life back home going from work to home, to numbing out with social media or TV, one thing after another and none of us really allowing ourselves the time to process, to think and mull over something for as long as we need and that is what the trail can help us do.
I felt myself agreeing with them, having experienced this on other trails, and also starting to think that maybe I should spend some more time walking alone because I knew there are things to unpack.
We said bye to Look Out and thanked him for all the trail magic he provided then finished up breakfast before heading out.
We turned on a gravel road and walked on this for the rest of the day. It made us all feel better about skipping miles to the ranch as it looked exactly like this the whole time.
Aster and I also discussed not wanting to get in a habit of hitching but finding ways for us all to stay together.
We hiked along, Aster ahead, then me, then Whatever, Akela, and Karma.
I instantly felt myself enjoying walking in between people and also alone. I felt like my thoughts were swirling but one persistent one kept arising. One that has come up a few times since starting this trail, but I kept telling myself, not yet. One I’ve been pushing away since getting back on trail a week ago. With the thoughts of the conversation this morning fresh in my mind, I decided to let myself let go.
While in the hospital and back at Journey’s parents home, I had flashbacks to Abba Oli in Ethiopia and also my dear Wichita grandma.
She passed away last summer and Journey and I hopped in the car once we heard she was on hospice and drove a ridiculous amount of hours to get to her house from Knoxville to Kansas.
I went into their house and saw her laying in a hospital bed in the middle of the living room. She was sleeping and we were told she had not been awake in a day or so and we didn’t have any expectation she would wake while we were there. We all had hopes she could hear us talking to her.
My heart was broken sitting there, this was a first. Losing a grandparent I was close to.
Before we left, I sat close to her, told her it was Isabella near her and that I loved her so much. I then pushed back her hair, kissed her forehead, and said “Bye Grandma”.
She passed within the night the following night.
We all went to her funeral the following week and then I went back home and was caught up in that swirl of life. Once again not truly letting myself process what had happened, but trying to shove it deep down and away. There is more to the story that doesn’t need sharing here and I also shoved it away. I kept moving and staying busy. It’s no surprise that it came up when I went to the hospital and now once back on trail.
The trail makes you process if you allow the mental space for it.
A month or so later after my grandma passed, I had a dream with her in it. I walked through this crystal clean white house with children’s artwork hanging around the house. There was also this white vignette around the edges of my vision. I remember walking through the house and asking “Where are they, where are they” I walked through a door and I see my siblings, a younger version of my grandpa, and my grandmother. She was sitting in a wheelchair and had a smile. I immediately walk over and give her a hug and she tells me how much she loves me. Then we told jokes as family and I felt love deep to my core, almost an unexplainable love.
Then I woke up.
I shut my eyes and tried to go back to the dream because it felt so genuine. I wanted to see her again. Take me back. Please take me back.
Then I bawled for hours.
I should have known then that I needed to process her more, but I put it away.
So here I am now, over a year later and it’s resurfaced, so I let it come. This was the place I could let go. I let myself have tears for her and I let myself remember the good memories and funny moments. A smile with tears. She’s not in pain anymore and she will forever be in my heart.
I miss her and always will.
I was thankful for the easy terrain. And luckily we didn’t have any huge water carry. Our packs had 5 days worth of food in them and adding any amount of water to that would be too much.
We stopped at a spigot on the side of the road after 12 ish miles then a spring in 10 miles.
The gravel road turned into chunkier rocks but still easy. We eventually got back up into some aspens which I loved. For some reason I did not envision trees and mountains out here in the desert but find it beautiful.
We made it to our last water source around 5:30 and filled up 4ish liters for the night and morning walk. It was another spring but I was thankful the area we collected water from was inside a cement block.
We hiked further into the evening and caught a glimpse of color in the sky as the sun set. It was beautiful and I was so happy for the warm weather.
We made it to camp a little after 7 and I was so excited to set up my tent to finding out the stakes wouldn’t go in the ground. Ugh!
So I have to cowboy camp tonight although I really didn’t want to. But that’s how it goes sometimes. We can’t always get what we want. We all have our own spot, a bit more spread out than usual but it’s okay. I think it was fitting as I found myself in bittersweet tears writing this out.
The moon is full and shining bright tonight so I’ll probably have to pull my beanie over my eyes to keep it dark. I enjoy the bright moon though, as it lights up the forest.
A good day, a meaningful day.
Goodnight.
Iz and Oz
Izzy + Ozzy 