January 19, 2018–11:00 AM
I wish I could explain it.
The bubbling excitement.
The pinching nerves.
The wrenching heart.
“Im going to have a heart attack” I repeatedly said to my family at the airport.
I am currently sitting on a southwest plane, flying through the air to land in D.C. for a day orientation and I can’t figure out how to express my emotions.
It truly is the craziest sensation I have ever felt.
I hurt because I already miss my family and friends.
I cry because I will miss out on their lives.
I worry that I will become “forgotten”.
Why did I leave them then? I didn’t have to, I could of stayed right where I was instead of venturing out into the unknown for two years.
But at the same time that I was feeling these distraught feelings. The unknown brought curiosity and excitement. The sense of adventure, the ideal of having the opportunity to learn a new language and culture made me smile from ear to ear. However, most importantly. The thought of being a servant; To help those who need it and to extend my love as much as I can beyond my being made my soul feel full.
I can’t see myself doing anything else with my life right now.
Even as scary as it was to board the plane. Shaking legs and hands as I handed over my boarding pass. Tears staining my cheeks as they made their way down my face from saying bye. This was it, this was me leaving my life in Kansas behind.
Its me becoming okay with the unknown. Me believing in the universe and listening to its plan for me.
I know this will be hard but it equally feels right.
I thank you to all the friends and family members that took the time to visit with me these last couple weeks. I tried to say yes to everyone I could and to the people where we couldn’t get a matching time. I still thank you for being in contact with me.
I ate very well, I drank a little more than I should have, and I laughed till tears poured out and I felt SO loved in the presence of you all.
Your support before and during this journey is what will keep me going.
So I Thank you from the bottom of my heart, for the best send off I could ask for. ♥
January 20, 2018— 8:01 AM
I am currently sitting in an airport in Washington D.C. Yesterday I spent the day in what is called “Staging” basically meaning orientation and a quick info session about the Peace Corps. Filling us in and giving us the “If this doesn’t feel right, please don’t get on the plane” speech.
Once at orientation I felt so much better about this trip. The nerves subsided quickly. It is amazing to meet people who literally have been questioning and wondering the exact same questions as me. How fun it is to be around like minded people.
After two long info sessions and ice breakers we were free for the rest of the night.
I ended up getting dinner with two other members and spent the night in a hotel room drinking wine with a big group of members. All of us enjoying the bittersweet feeling of “Our last night in America”.
I am nervous and I am ready. This 13 hour plane ride will be quite long but I know when I land, it will be hard and amazing.
Please Wish me luck!