Day 91: Loving Thyself.

August 9th, 2021

Mile Marker: 1962.9

Miles Hiked Today: 38

This morning started out freezing to the point where I hiked most of the first 8 miles in my puffy jacket and beanie.

I thought about all my negative thoughts the night before and thought about the concept of loving ourselves.

Sometimes I wonder why it’s hard for us to. Most people pick at themselves and are their own worst critic.

Why do we do this when we would never talk to anyone else this way? Why do we treat our best friends with such love and kindness and not ourselves? Why do we harp on the mistakes we have made, why do we criticize ourselves so harshly?

In the conversation I had with my therapist, she complimented me and my ability to have thoughts, mull on them, and then figure a way how to solve them if it’s an issue. I asked her if she thought most people could do this and she said “No.” She said she could see a lot of people starting the hike and then hating the quiet and lack of distractions. She thought people could get stuck on a negative thought loop and then would get off trail to go back to the life of distractions.

It’s exactly what I am trying not to do. Even though I don’t like my thoughts some of the time, I want to explore why I think that way and I want to change those thought patterns.

I hiked on with the sun shining down on me in a burn zone with beautiful purple flowers called Fire Weed and I smiled. Everything is going to be alright. Sometimes I just need to take a step back to move forward.

I’m figuring out loving myself each and every step I take because I, of all people, deserve my love. It’s the same as some other issues, I just need to be reminded every now and then and that’s okay.

Today we hit lakes and lakes and lakes again! Finally!

Around 16 miles in we stopped for a nice lunch break by a lake and then hiked 5 more to another that seemed to be a better swim spot.

We were exactly right. This one was the perfect swimming lake. When we got out to dry off I made some coffee and two section hikers came through.

They were a couple and the man said he had been dreaming about hiking the PCT for years. Both Journey and I told him he had to do it. That he wouldn’t regret it. You could see his eyes light up with the day dream of completing it. It always feels so good to help inspire people to come out and do the trail. I hope someday, he makes that dream come true.

For the whole day we only saw southbounders and section hikers and were enjoying the feeling of being the only ones on trail.

Towards the evening we had a bigger climb that led us out to see the Sister Mountains. There are three of them and each one is gigantic and beautiful.

We kept our breaks short for most of the day so that we could have less miles into Bend, Oregon tomorrow.

As Journey and I crossed under this log above us, he told me to go up on it for a picture. I shrieked “No!” and so, he decided to go do it instead.

The whole time I was on edge as I was envisioning him slipping or the log breaking. Thankfully neither happened and he got a cool pic. 😂

We got to yet another lake and had dinner around 7:30 and then decided that we wanted to hike 4 more miles to make our day a full 38 mile day.

We got to camp late around 10 pm but were out in an open meadow that let us see the stars shining bright and the Milky-way.

I even saw a shooting star.

I know I may seem all over the place… but man. Each time feels like a weight lifted off my shoulder when I actually process it out. I write it here for you guys because I want to be as open and honest as I can.

I’m not perfect nor would I ever want to be.

It’s crazy how at home I feel being able to sleep outside with the stars and river running next to me.

Snooze time.

Iz and Oz

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